While My Roommate Snores

It's 1:42am on my watch and my roommate is sleeping so soundly I won't be surprised if they can hear her snore in the street. But this is not about how I envy her deep sleep. This is about things some people write about when they just want to talk and hopefully the right people will listen. I've been meaning to write again but i never found the time. Nor the motivation to do so even though my thoughts have been pushing against my brain walls clamoring to be let out. So for sanity's sake, i decided to put off sleep for just a few more moments while i let my mind speak out.

It's been a long 26 years. Truthfully, i don't know if i've accomplished anything worth telling my sisters' grandkids. I'll probably be the lola who tells them how to keep themselves amused while at home. I'll tell them the jokes between my family especially the ones about their grandmas. I'll tell them that they will make choices in their lives that they should ponder on while they are still young. About family, friendship, career, education, life in general. I'll tell them about not forgetting the good part of you when you are young just because you got old. That even if you are not the cool kid in school should you feel left out. That even if you're not rich should you be intimidated by the rich. That even if you are poor, or weak, or bullied should you give up on life. I'll tell my sisters' grandkids that they always have a choice. Even if they see only one solution, they still have two choices: to do or not to do it. Your actions should not be what society dictates. It should be for the good of people-- yourself, your family, your friends. I'll tell them not to listen to people when they say "grow up!". Do not lose the kid in you because only a kid can forgive their parents when the old ones hurt them. Do not lose the innocence and the love. Someday, you will meet people who will hurt you. People who will love you. You'll make friends and grow apart. But do not worry. When you lose someone, think about what my good friend once told me: that maybe we lose some people in our lives because their part in our life story is done. Move one but never forget those who once loved you. Remember and hold on to people who still do. Do not push people away. And never ever hurt your family because of something petty.

I will tell my sisters' grandkids all these and more. Then i will hug them and sing them songs from my childhood. Songs my mom sang to us while we slept. Songs i sang to their mothers and fathers while they slept. And songs that i hope they will also sing to their children, and their grandchildren when i am no longer able.

But i am 26 and my niece is just 3 months old. I might not see her grow old and have children. Or i might. Who knows? I am 26 and my mind and body is tired. The ramblings of a stressed soul. It's 2:02am already. I think i better go to sleep.