Time to say goodbye*

"Baby patay na si Ken..."

I heard my younger sister say to her boyfriend over the phone.

I was lying in my bed, woken up just in time to hear the bad news. I feigned sleep while I listened to her recount the story.

I listened and I felt my heart.  Nothing.  Then I understood my defense mechanism.  Blocking the painful thoughts.

"OK sige go back to sleep.  I will eat then clean the bathroom."

She put down the phone and I took a peek.  She lay there on her stomach with an iPod on her left hand.  I decided to check the time on my cellphone.  She saw me awake and sat down on my bed.

"Patay na si Ken."  I sat up and gave her a hug.  She told me what happened.

I laid back in my bed and I felt a single tear roll down my left cheek.

After her story, she said again, "Patay na si Ken" then she laid down on her side beside me.

"Ayos ka para tabi tayo sa pillow."

She arranged herself and then suddenly, I started to cry.

I cried and I cried.

"Why are you crying?"

"I don't know."

And I cried.  She put her arms around me.

"Must be regret."

"Dahil hindi mo siya ni-befriend?"

"Kasi kasama ko siya for three years and hindi ko siya masyadong nilalaro."

And I cried.

After a few seconds I decided to stop because of the ache in my head.  We stood up, went down, and ate breakfast.  Jhon and Kuya Vincent arrived a few minutes later.  They dug a hole in our front garden.  I decided to look at Ken inside the box as a last farewell.  He is so little.  I wanted to take out his collar but they said he might look for it.  I stood facing Haeja, laid my chin on her shoulder, held the candle in one hand, and watched my tears bounce off her shoulder.

Jhon placed on the soil bed the t-shirt Ken wore until he decided to shrug out of it before he took his last breath.  I held a candle and Haeja held her iPod with a photo of Ken still alive while Papa, Jhon, Kuya Vincent, and us whispered our goodbyes.

The candle went out just as the last piece of soil was thrown over his grave and I knew it was time for me to leave.  We went inside and cried some more.

Ken was our baby.  A mini pincher we bought in 2010.  He is very bright.  He is also known as Ken Kulit.  He is little but he was a great bundle of joy.  Our little watchdog that even though he was very sick, he still barked at strangers yesterday.

I never understood why people cried over their pets when they died.  I did not even cry when my grandparents and other relatives died.  Now I understand why people cry over pets.  And now I know how it is to lose a loved one.  The worse thing is crying over the loss and then crying over regret.

There seems to be no consolation over this kind of loss but I can try to move forward because we have two more dogs, and I have plenty of loved ones.  Life is really too short not to be spent on those you love.

Goodby Ken.  You will not be forgotten.

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*not the song